1
0,00:01,000 --> 0,00:32,000
Welcome to the Never Been Promoted podcast, where we're all about helping you cut the tie to all that holds you back. The excuses, the fears, the people, that sense of entitlement. Cut the ties so you can unleash your inner entrepreneur. Your host, Thomas Helfrich, is on a mission to make more entrepreneurs in the world and make them better at entrepreneurship.
2
0,00:32,000 --> 0,02:08,000
Hey. Welcome to Never Been Promoted. Hi. I'm your host, Thomas Helfrich. We are live today with Jacob Evans Kendall. He is a 2 time open heart surgery survivor, lifetime, caregiver, and, you know, he's got an incredible amount of, insight and and work he's done with helping people kinda navigate through these hard parts of their life. We're gonna jump into that a bit because as you know, entrepreneurship can be a bit hard, maybe not as hard as a heart surgery or or 2 of them for that matter. So, you know, listen from what kind of the analogies and the metaphors and the and the things that actually Jacob has gone through and the people he's worked with here to kinda learn how you can apply that through transitions from maybe full time employment to entrepreneurship or from divorce or from lots of things that are gonna happen. Our mission here at, Never Been Promoted, if you if you've never been here before, is to help entrepreneurs get better at entrepreneurship. That simple. We help you cut the tie to all that kind of shit holding you back. And, you know, I want you to unleash the entrepreneur within you. And and and if you even if you're not gonna be an entrepreneur, just just get better at life when you get better at, cutting the ties to things that are holding you there. My only shameless plug is if you can, please go to never been promoted.com, and check out what we have there from just some magazine articles of, our guest interviews, and also the podcast. And if you do like the show and you're watching it, you youtube.com@neverbeenpromoted. Enough shameless plugs. Let's go and bring in, mister mister Kendall. Hello, Jacob. How are you? How you been? Jake Jacob. Jacob Evans. Kendall. Three names. No assassination attempts. Not a serial killer. So establish that now. Correct?
3
0,02:08,000 --> 0,02:14,000
Yeah. I mean, you know, don't rule anything out. Right. It's I mean, as of today, like, here in, in in 2024.
4
0,02:14,000 --> 0,02:29,000
Right. Yeah, Thomas. It's good to be on here for a conversation. Looking forward to it. Yeah. I mean, that would be a weird transition, right, from open heart surgery survivor to helping people to becoming a serial killer. Like, that would be you could help someone navigate through that.
5
0,02:29,000 --> 0,02:33,000
I suppose I do bring some unique insights from those experiences.
6
0,02:33,000 --> 0,03:08,000
You're supposed to shut that conversation down. Right? Like, no. I will not help a serial killer become a serial killer. No. My bad. Let let let's start over. Hi. I'm Thomas. Thanks for joining here today. Jacob's gonna be joining today. Jacob, good to see you. You know, you're, you've got a crazy I mean, we're gonna get to your kind of journey story here, and and you've you've helped people, like, transition careers and and bigger things. I'll I'll leave it to you to to do do the introduction, but maybe just start with kind of where your passion is today and then back up to to kind of how you got to, you know, here.
7
0,03:08,000 --> 0,05:05,000
Yeah. Sure. So you've kinda I typically said that I have two aspects of my identity that define what I do today. You've already named one of them. I've had 2 open heart surgeries. I have lifelong experience navigating my own complex medical needs. I have various things going on, various specialists that I see on a regular basis. And, that, you know, when you navigate your own complex medical needs, that also means navigating our ridiculous health care system. And over the years, push became shove, and I I wanna shove back. And so that that's one part of it. The other is that I grew up. My childhood dream, so to speak, was to be a true renaissance person. I much prefer to be a jack of all trades rather than an expert of 1. We need experts. It's great to have them, especially, like, when I had my surgeries, I wanted someone who was really good with that particular kind of surgery. I needed that. I've had my aortic valve replaced twice in case there's anyone here who can, relate to that kind of thing. But but I prefer we also need interdisciplinary folks, multidimensional thinkers. And so I have, diverse training in social work, public health, gerontology. I'm studying theology right now, biology. I have, you know, formal training in all of these things. And I apply that to what I'm doing now, which is chronic disease and health care, aging, advocacy. Like I said, our that we need some changes in our health care system, and I'm not the only person who has to have these, that recognizes that we need these changes. It's tough for patients, and I've also been a caregiver. It's tough for informal caregivers as well. Like, imagine your older parent is sick with something, and you need to you're the primary care for them now, that kind of situation. Yeah. So that's, thinking about how I how I got to this point and, you know, where I am right now. I've stumbled through various career moves and, you know, picked up important lessons with each of those steps. And and here I am now, I do speaking and consulting around, chronic disease advocacy.
8
0,05:05,000 --> 0,06:13,000
Yeah. Well, I and we won't go down the healthcare role role habit because what happens in this, at least in this country, when you say the word health care, people immediately put a division line of polarization in the middle, and you can't even suggest any idea that's one way or you're a socialist. You can't go the other way or you're a cannibal. Yeah. And so you can't create reason on either, and I think it's a very intentional this this has been set up because it's such a huge lobby. Yeah. Yeah. The money that's behind this, it's it's it's almost it's too big to fail, and it's almost it's too big to be redone unless someone just ignores it. It just ignores it. Just flat out goes ignored. Yeah. New model here here's a new so so, anyway, so it's hard to have that conversation. I I don't think there's a person on the planet, though, that doesn't think that it needs to be redone except for the executives who are making the money off of the current system. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I will leave it at that. Like and that does not share a political view to be very clear, but when peep the people who are making money from how it's done right now have no interest in changing it. The people who Well, then that's
9
0,06:13,000 --> 0,06:55,000
yeah. I wanna I wanna piggyback off of to how much money you make. Yeah. And, like, I have to choose strategically at what level I'm gonna focus on. Of course, I would love to go to the very top and try to make these changes, but there you have to convince people to love money less for that. This is why I often help individuals and families and organizations, you know, more at the local level with these issues because there there are so many moments throughout my given a given day or given week where I'm like, if we take this all the way to the top, this is a truly intractable problem, and that's pretty much what you're saying. So I have to very pragmatically choose where I'm gonna come in and try to make that difference. Right. Well and okay. So the reason we're kinda I'm I'm thinking this is appropriate to kind of go through because you're trying to navigate
10
0,06:55,000 --> 0,07:51,000
wellness through a horrible time in your life potentially. Right? You're trying to navigate some kind of sense of all the things you're gonna we're gonna go through here. But but but the the the the assets and resources you need from that are expensive sometimes. And and the reason and the reasons behind it are what they are, but it's not even just a mountaintop. You have a whole mountain range of tops you would need to convince to get that to work. Yeah. So it's so it's it's truly unsurmountable by any one human to do. Yeah. Unless we get into theology and and then one then maybe, but we're not gonna go down that path. Let's let's say that, you know, let's strip aside the the the things we can't do, the restrictions because of, health care, whatever else. Talk to me what how you how you define, first of all, like, this, life transition. Define that first because I sometimes it's not open heart surgery. Sometimes it could be smaller as well. But, like, will you define that first, please?
11
0,07:51,000 --> 0,10:19,000
Yeah. So, I had my second surgery while I was a professor. And when you get your PhD, you go into that usually thinking that, okay. I'm gonna be a professor in a faculty, university, and I'm gonna do research. I'm gonna teach, and I'm gonna get tenure and eventually tires retire as a professor. And that was my goal for those first few years. I taught social work for a couple years, and then I taught global health. And I was in a great department, a good university. I met my now wife at that university, and I thought I I thought I would retire in a setting like that. But within the span of, like, 2 or 3 year period, I the entrepreneurial bug bit me. I witnessed my own colleagues getting tenure, and I used to think that it was more liberating, but I actually think that it's less liberating. So I observed that happening with people. I got married. I had my second heart surgery, and, my wife and I were gonna move to North Carolina from Georgia, but then my dad had a debilitating stroke and heart attack. And I'm like, I can't leave my mom in Alabama where I'm from to do that on her own. So we moved to help them, and we all moved again down south. And then my dad died. And then we had my wife and I hired our first child, and we had a second one on the way. So within this 3 year period, I also started a couple businesses. Within a 3 year period, I did all of these things, and it's and it's honestly are all I should say, you know, those things happen to me. And it's honestly difficult for me to pinpoint what was the original initial catalyst on that. And I often say definitively, my heart surgery was definitely one of those. When you're forced to, have to face your own mortality even briefly and and intermittently, then you it changes things about you. Right? You you have different priorities. And I got to the point where, like, you know what? My life expectancy is lower now because of this, and I don't wanna I don't wanna stare down the, barrel of the tenure gun, so to speak. And I I just don't want that to be my future. I I wanna have more control over what I do. And so all of those are major life transitions. Right? You have a major health thing, and you switch from one career to another, when you have to become a caregiver for a parent, when you lose that parent, when you get married, all of those things are major life transitions, and I just happen to experience them within a a relatively small period of time. Yeah. But well and and when you're so from an entrepreneurial standpoint, right, you're in you have differentiation
12
0,10:19,000 --> 0,11:24,000
because you've you've you're young, and and, how do you get sorry. I normally, we don't ask that, but it's relevant to this conversation. So I'm I'm a gerontologist, and never mind anyone talking about age. I'm 38. 38. So you're young. So you're still young, and you shouldn't have open heart surgeries by everyone's kind of calculation ever. Surely. You do. It's usually it's in it's usually genetic or it's it's the point is that you've had to face something where most did not until their sixties or seventies or something else. Yeah. Yeah. Because of that, that puts you in a spot of perspective that most people don't have. And and and I think when you're when someone's looking I guess the thing is, how does someone know they should come work with you? And it's not like a shameless plug, but I guess 2 things. 1, I I think you you described the transition of when, but I've never thought of paying some of that. So, like, what's usually the pain point that they've come through that they really they they need to go help get some help professionally for? Because you're not gonna be on an ICD-ten code, you know, to get billed. They're they're gonna pay you just outright to go get something to help them. But when is it how do they really know as opposed to kinda guess?
13
0,11:24,000 --> 0,13:21,000
Yeah. That's that's a good question. So I'll I'll first answer that about by by by saying when they don't know. I wish that we did a better job as a society preparing for these things in advance because we're moving quickly toward a time in which no one in the entire world let's just talk about the US. No American is gonna be unaffected by chronic disease. It's going to be unaffected by caregiving. And while I can sit here and say that I I think you know, I would love to go into university. I would love to go into groups of young professionals and say, hey. Listen. You're now professional. You're now married. Whatever. You're starting to have children. You need to go ahead and get life insurance. You need to go ahead and be having conversations about what it's gonna look like at at the end of your life for people who are surviving. You need to go ahead and prepare to, you know, have the conversation about what's gonna happen when your parents have the ability and you need to take care of their their needs in the in your home. But that wouldn't work because people don't see it as a need. I can see something as a need, but if my audience doesn't, it doesn't matter. So most of the people that I end up getting you know, talking to and having conversations with, they're already in the midst of those crisis, And then you don't have to convince them at all because caregiving at home, caregivers have a higher morbidity and lower life expectancy to compared to people of the same age who are not caregivers. Like and people who are doing the caregiving are not surprised to hear this because they feel absolutely buried in it. So most of the people who can easily relate to what I'm saying are people who are in the middle of those situations. I also, you know, speak with providers, and and many doctors and nurses and others also are not prepared to face an aging population that we're that we're a part of and barreling toward, and some of them are willing to admit it and and others not. So people who are in the midst of it are those who, you know, they don't need to be convinced.
14
0,13:21,000 --> 0,14:21,000
Right. What what do you do? Like, so how do you navigate it as opposed to like, because if I looked at it, right, from you know, and and I'm like, oh, it's just part of life. Like, things happen. Right? Like and I may have a different mentality than most, and this is making it easier, but I wouldn't think I would need a coach through it. And and so what I'm driving to with that is when when you're you're someone comes to you, what do you do with them to accelerate them, acceptance? What what is it they I kinda get because I I see the need. I wouldn't know what the value would be back to me outside of, hey. I'm just experiencing life. Right? I mean, like, everyone has to die. Everyone has to have hard parts. All the there is no heaven without hell kind of idea. Right? You don't get the the shitty things that happen make you enjoy the beach. You you enjoy the beach that much more kind of idea. Right? So unless you live in the beach, you hate hurricanes, and then you enjoy the mountains. Whatever your antithesis is. What's the what's the value? Like, do you accelerate something? Do you replace something? Do you have them mindset? What what's the that's a long way to ask that.
15
0,14:21,000 --> 0,15:47,000
No. No. That's that's a great that's a great question. So, because I'm a gerontologist, because I'm speaking about What's a gerontologist? If you could you define that for people like me? I need to I need to be better about that. It's someone who studies aging in some kind of way. A geriatrician is a doctor who who serves older adults. A gerontologist is someone who focuses on aging in their career in some kind of way. So I'm a gerontologist. That's what my, PhD is in is is in gerontology. And so therefore and I also speak at churches. Many, you know, many church members are older adults. And so therefore, it's very common for me to do a talk or a presentation in which there are a good number of older adults or their children who care for older adults in the home. And it's common for people to come up after me and say, hey. I have this blank issue. What do you charge for 1 on 1 consult consultations? And I'll answer that question. And the kind of things that I'll talk about is, hey. Listen. This is what I've learned from being a caregiver, from being someone who's had surgeries, all this experience with encountering our medical care system, and these are some strategies I've learned along the way. And, honestly, most of them are really, really simple. It's just that when someone is embroiled in a a crisis like this, they don't think of them. So I just I mean, one of the main things I do with 1 on 1 is, hey. Listen. These are some things that you can do that are really simple, but they can drastically make this better for you.
16
0,15:47,000 --> 0,16:39,000
Is it is it just because that's, like, the first marker of of acceptance of some sort? Like, what what's the marker of, like you know, when you're selling anything or providing any service, instant the faster you get the gratification to get them over the the the hurdles of I'm not sure about this. Like, I need it, but I'm not sure. Am I gonna what what's the shortest what's the most noticeable first thing that they get? Like, do they do they reduce their stress on the transition itself? Is that, like, the first thing that happens? Like, hey. We bring the stress levels down. Like, what's the person when they work with you 1 on 1? What do they experience quickly so they know they're in good hands? Because the reason I mean, they some may not work with you. Right? If someone's working with somebody and they're not feeling these things, it should give them perspective that maybe they have the wrong coach or they have the wrong idea. What are you seeing in your people that you work with the first benefits, like initial benefits?
17
0,16:39,000 --> 0,17:48,000
Well, misery loves companies, so definitely that they're not alone for sure. And then, you know, when I tell them some of these pragmatic steps, they're like, oh my goodness. I didn't even think about that. That's definitely going to make it a little bit easier for me. And then, another thing that I focus on, I guess you could say more of a soft skill, is self advocacy and assertiveness. A very common thing that I, get when I do a talk because I I I'm very open about my own experiences and, my own health and and whatnot. And so I'll talk about, hey. Here's the story when I an encounter I had with one of my my physicians. And then a very common response I get is like, what? You said that to your doctor? Like, you asked them that? I'm like, yeah. You're damn right I did, and you should do the same thing. Because there's this belief that what physicians tell you is biblical truth, and you don't question it, and that's that. And I push it back against that. And so the there another thing that they walk away with is having more self efficacy and more assertiveness or at least to know that it's okay to do that. Those are skills. You're not gonna just flip a switch and have them right off the bat, but get a little bit better each time you go back to the doctor
18
0,17:48,000 --> 0,20:03,000
and, you know, to realize that it's okay to do those things. You you, my my wife does this, like she should be an auditor, but, like, I'll give you an example yesterday. Went to the dentist. They didn't do x rays, though they try to sub sell me by not saying that. They always said my insurance didn't cover it. They do cover it, just not every 6 months. I like I you know, this kind of little shit drives me nuts. And then I'm stressed out because I'm calling her. Not that I'm worried about spending $20, but I don't wanna get yelled at for spending $20. I wasn't but, anyway, the whole thing. I I go through that, and then they come back at the end and say, oh, your little one has 2 cavities. Yeah. They're fine, and the little one had an extraction. I'm like, she's never had an extraction. Oh, then maybe she lost her tooth, and I was like, alright. Whatever. It's a weird thing to note in your chart. But she has 2 cavities. I'm thinking, how do you know that without a X-ray? And and so I I thought that, then I dismissed it, and then my wife got looked at it and goes, I don't think they she has cavities. I think they just looked at the chart, and they're trying to get you to come in so they can drill her teeth. And and so it's that kind of stuff or it's looking at like how they've coded things. Like, well, that's not right. It's unbelievable the inefficiencies, because of what you said the doctor says something that even that half the time doesn't get on the chart. So I think there's a coordination I was getting to with that with look at what listen to what someone's telling you. And I think a good indication of a doctor to help you on some of these things is do they accept Google you your Google doctor version to challenge them? And they some of them hate it. Some of the older school ones really hate it. The younger ones get it because they're like, this is what I'm facing. And and if they can't do that, you got a question if you got the right person. Are you saying that it's green? Because because because like a lot of they do not wanna be challenged because they have so much schooling, but then I'm like, yeah. But Google has more information than you of people that are yes. You're medically cracked, like, but but what about all these other things I'm reading about, like from journals? So anyway, I'll get off that piece, but I think you're spot on that you gotta challenge with some substance and go do your own fact check. Because what I find is no one's gonna solve any complex problems for you. The the the medical system is gonna want to take the easiest path to do the building. If you're generally healthy, but you still feel like something's wrong, you're gonna be on the hook to figure things out in your life, period. And I think Yeah. Yeah. Seen sometimes, it's even worse. Mental health is even worse. So, anyway, I'm done. I'll be I'll be done. Yeah. I I completely agree with that.
19
0,20:03,000 --> 0,20:47,000
The the quote in, one of my favorite episodes of Ted Lasso where he's he he's quoting, Walt Whitman, but he's it it misattributes to, Walt Whitman. But, anyway, the quote is be curious, not judgmental. And I I now apply that to every aspect of my life. I try to be that way myself, but I prefer providers who are curious rather than judgmental. Listen. When you have complex medical needs and you have several providers, you're not gonna get that out of everyone. But if you can have 2 or 3 who are curious, who are willing to listen to you patiently, and who willing to go to bat for you, that can spread itself out over all of your other ones. But, you know, I'm a little bit smarter than than than like, I should be smarter than the average bear because of the,
20
0,20:47,000 --> 0,21:27,000
you know, the training that I come in with or or I should say intellectual. That's what I mean. I'm a little bit more intellectual. Well, you you have more experience. I'd say you've I don't mean to interrupt you, but I wanna give you credit. There. You are smarter than most people, guys. So I was gonna tell you is, yeah, I've met with Jacob several times. He is very smart. But more importantly, he recognizes that the stuff's hard and knows that everyone's not gonna be in the position you've been with experience of all the things you've gone through already in a life transition. But applying the fact that alright. I know I understand this a little bit, but not everyone's gonna get this because it's already hard enough. And you're Yeah. And you're an academic, and you have you're okay reading is my point, and you can not everybody can do that. Yeah. But but, like I'm sorry. Keep going. I just wanna give you a I use
21
0,21:27,000 --> 0,22:10,000
I I acknowledge that I use intellectual language, and that's not always the most relatable. But when I walk into a a doctor's office, I am my intellectual self. And as soon as I start pushing a little bit and show that, like, hey, I understand more about this than you think that I do Right. That that opens up the conversation. And so I try to help people realize, like, hey. You have these questions. You're not you're not dumb when it comes to your own medical condition. You have perspectives about your own condition that your doctor and no and no one else can possibly understand. And so just push back a little bit. Ask the question. Show them that you're willing to push it a little bit so that you get what you need. And that's what I mean by assertiveness.
22
0,22:10,000 --> 0,23:44,000
I'd love you to hear my hack, and I I because they do a lot of messaging now with stuff. And so I'm like, alright. Well, if we're gonna do that. So I'll take test results, and I'll put a bunch of data in a GPT. Nominated, by the way. Don't put your role's name. But the point is I put it in there. I'm like, from a medical perspective, GPT Yep. How would you read and what kind of ancillary thing should I be asking my caregiver about? Yep. And I'll give them that report and say, hey. This is an analysis from an a a medical AI, whatever. And how many times that that will change the narrative of the conversation a bit? Yep. Specifically, like, if you if you're on a medication, you're like, hey. I feel like my dosage is low, and they're, like, trying to be risk adverse, risk adverse, risk adverse. And you're like, but listen. I don't feel the effects you're talking about, and and I keep you know, it's amazing how that helps influence sometimes something because because you're like, given these other things, could we try this? And I I'll tell you, I shouldn't have to do that, but I think the perspective of health caregiver is 2 things. 1, and I hate to say this, what can we sell, bill, or upsell test wise so we can justify things down the road, which there's the risk. Doing that is also risk averse. If I don't test for it, I can't bill for it. And then they have so there is a huge money element that is truly real in the medical world that affects your ability to navigate and transition that you have to be aware of. And I know we're on this topic of it, but but the truth is I think this is so clear on transition. Sometimes the hard you're describing what's hard about transitions in life, specifically medically, is because of the health care system so hard to use. Is that is that what your kind of premise is starting?
23
0,23:44,000 --> 0,25:32,000
Yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna sit here and tell anyone all rainbows and unicorns. You're no no one person when I'm talking to a patient, like, they're not gonna be able to overcome all these barriers. I'm just trying to help them squeeze more juice than they are, and that can often make a big enough difference to change one's quality of life, to change one's level of stress. And if it can, why not do it? Because most of the things that you can do to squeeze a little bit more juice are simple. They're not these hard tasks that you have to do. And so that's one of the main things I say is you're not gonna change everything. It's not gonna be a completely positive experience. But if you can squeeze a little bit more juice, that can make a difference. Can you help people understand the the paperwork behind it too? Is that part of it? It it it depends. You have to be really careful with that kind of thing because it's it's always this is not real medical advice kind of thing. I'm more willing to talk about that with heart disease stuff specifically. So, you know, I you you have to be really careful. I can't bill insurance, you know, liability and things like that. I what I the way that I'll approach that is give my own experience. I'm very happy to do that. Right? And that that can often help with things. So that that's, yeah, that's that's one thing I can say. And and I wanna go back to one of the points that you said earlier. There have been multiple times recently with a neurologist of mine where I don't remember if I learned it in the Facebook group that I'm in and other people who've had my surgery or I just did for my own research. But he told me a certain treatment plan, and I said, oh, hey. I read about this somewhere. And because I brought that up, he's like, oh, yeah. That's a good point. Let's change your treatment plan. And and it's okay if physicians don't know everything. Everything. I'm that I shouldn't be expecting to know everything, but don't tell me that you know everything. Don't act like it. Be curious, not judgmental.
24
0,25:32,000 --> 0,26:16,000
Well okay. So how does someone work with you? So what gaps do you fill for them as they navigate a live transition? Well, we can focus around medical because I think that's where the bulk of the conversation's been. Marriage is one thing. There's probably the theology side is probably a better way to go to the marriage part, but the medical pieces where you have direct life experiences and and where do you where you filling where does where does, like, someone like yourself fill the gaps, that's tangible, you know, like a 1, 2, 3 list. Like, hey. When you work with me or you work with somebody who can do this, this is what you're gonna. I see. I'll go back to what you get, but, like, that way someone knows why they should come seek additional help. Because I don't think a lot of people know they should. That I guess is my what I'm learning to do on that.
25
0,26:16,000 --> 0,28:06,000
I would probably at least somewhat disagree with the the comment that most people don't know that they should. The people who are in the middle of these situations definitely know that they need more, help. And especially if I'm if I just spoke on a stage or did a presentation, it usually comes through at that point. But the main again, I'm gonna keep going back to the main things and are are I know that they're often listed, like, on a resume as a soft skill or whatnot. I think that they're hard skills of self advocacy and assertiveness. So let's talk about caregiving for a moment. There's this belief, and my mom was like this with my dad. It's like, well, this is just my duty. I I have to do it, and and they don't even consider that there might be other resources out there. You know, it's just it's just their duty. And it's almost as if it would hurt their pride not to completely sacrifice themselves on the altar of martyrdom in order to to be a caregiver. And I just I try to push back against that at every step along the way and say, hey. Listen. You come first. There's a reason they tell you on airplanes to put on your own oxygen mask before you help anyone else. It's the same thing here. You are no good to the person you're caring for if you become sick and disabled as a result of your caregiving. And I can show you the data that that is likely to happen unless you care for yourself. And my preferred approach, I can't always do this, I get it, but my preferred approach is just to be very blunt snarky, and say, get the hell over yourself, and you have to go for your needs and take care of yourself first. You're this it's not gonna be perfect. This is still going to impact you pretty hard, but you can do more to care for yourself. So that's my preferred approach is just to be very, very blunt. But I think that there's a there's a point on with on that, though, I just I think there's a personality that you see this play out with
26
0,28:06,000 --> 0,28:50,000
relationships of, oh my god. I always have to take care of my kids, my wife, or my husband never does. I'll have to clean the whole house because the, you know, the cleaners can't do it well enough and the kids won't help and you don't help, or, hey. I have to do every home project, but I won't hire anyone. Like like and I'm making stuff up. So, honey, if you're listening to this, I wasn't directed at anything we have. But those are just typical things. But the truth is, like, those are things that people could murder themselves around as opposed to realize what the situation so if you're if you if you're like this, you're gonna be like this later is my point. I don't think this is something that just shows up. I think this is something that's ingrained as a behavior, and this is the big one, if you will. This is now what I have to because, and and usually you know, I'll be quiet, but I think there's a there's a you can nip this early.
27
0,28:50,000 --> 0,29:44,000
Yeah. And it's and it's not just an individual thing. It's a systemic thing. Most caregivers are women, not surprisingly. If there are multiple siblings, and then it's most likely to be the daughters. It's more likely to be an unmarried daughter. And so, I mean, you have systemic issues like, patriarchy and other things that are related to gender roles built into this. And for centuries and centuries, this is just caregiving and that kind of thing is seen as something that women are supposed to do. And this is true across vast majority of society's past and present. And so, you know, we're not gonna be able to have a good conversation about this kind thing if we don't recognize that, yes, this is something that is baked into our very psyche. It goes down to our marrow. I I would not be reasonable for me to just talk to someone for an hour and say, hey. Listen. Get over it. Be a better self advocate. Be more assertive of yourself, and expect them to just change that the next time I I talk with them. That's not gonna happen.
28
0,29:44,000 --> 0,30:17,000
What's the balance, though? I mean, so okay. Yeah. I but who else? What's the next question? Then who? I can't afford it how? Well, how that that'd be my immediate follow-up questions and probably the the largest ex justified excuses, if you will, of of why not. Is there a what's the answer to that, so to speak, or how do you approach that problem question? What's what's the answer to what? I just wanna make sure I understand your question. Okay. Great. I'll take care of myself. But what does that mean? Who's gonna take care of that other person now? So who's gonna take care of the I'm the caregiver. Well, who else is gonna do that? When else? Okay. Yeah.
29
0,30:17,000 --> 0,32:00,000
So I will go a little bit theology here for a second because, churches just happen to be a great example to use because they're natural social communities. And a lot of older people I talk to are members of churches, so I'll just use that as an example. Alright. Because of this whole thing, this idea that we should just sacrifice ourselves, it's my responsibility, I don't wanna bother other people with it, that's American individualism at its finest, I would actually say at its worst. You know, we we can prove this by the fact that most caregivers, most people who are caregiver at home don't tell their colleagues at work about it. So we don't know the true extent, of this burden, but it's a massive burden. So, you know, using using a church as an example, one thing that I'll say is, listen, are you a member of a church? Okay? If so, why don't you consider going to your pastor, going to the hostess, of the, host of the the chair of the hostess committee or someone who takes care of this kind of thing and say, hey. Listen. I've got this issue going on at home, and I'm not gonna be able to just alleviate all the challenges because I do have to care for this person. But it would help tremendously if we can plan some kind of thing where different church members across the span of a month or 2 months depending on the size of the church, they y'all plan to bring us 2 meals a week, and that takes some time off my plate and that helps. Little little practical, small, simple things like that. We have to be willing to ask for it, though. Right? But if we are and you ask for things like that, then that those kinds of things can help a lot. So that's an example of one pragmatic sense. I would be Listen. I mean, we're we're in the part of a large community church called Northpointe.
30
0,32:00,000 --> 0,33:10,000
And that's their thing is they're outwardly there to help you. You know, they of course, they ask for tithing and money and all the things that they do with it, but they're also like, hey. But if you can't afford that, we wanna help you. If you can't afford to pay for books and schools and whatever, like, you know, not private schools, books and, like, food, we can help you. We're not looking for anything really for those out there that are, you know, struggling to make ends meet and or gone through a live event. So I I think that's a fantastic because there's a lot of people that are also they're you. And you're like, hey. Listen. I'm gonna go give an hour or go mow that yard because I know they can't do it, and and they have no time, and they cannot you know, like or whatever it is. Right? Just something to help them with an hour here or 2 hours there. You know, I can my daughter's a nurse. She'll she's willing to maybe study all night and be the caregiver at nighttime to keep an eye on something. Like, I think there's probably things around there. Anyway, I I love that idea. So great great example. I'm sure there's others. Keep going, though. I love it. I I I just felt like I had to say something. That is such a brilliantly nice look to your community. But if you're not part of a community, what do you do? Well, yeah. So I mean
31
0,33:10,000 --> 0,35:12,000
You have things like, the most common name for it is the area agency on aging. Sometimes it's called the council on aging. These places exist in most medium or large medium size or large cities. Sometimes even they serve rural areas. Give them a call. Just call them and say, hey. Listen. This is my situation. What kinds of resources exist in this community? And in most cases, there's something there that you can, follow the breadcrumbs, so to speak. Just make the call, and then they'll probably give you the phone number of someone else's call. Make that call. They may give you another referral. Just keep following those breadcrumbs. These resources exist. They're not perfect. They're not gonna solve all your problems. Again, I'm not trying to do that. I'm just trying to get you to squeeze a little bit more juice. So area agency on aging, AA, give them a call or the council on aging. They are there. If it's not if it's not a a thing related to aging, then just Google, this is my city, what services are there for disabilities or ask g chat gbt. I mean, you know, look online for the whatever fill in the blank, disability. I have a question about wills or whatever and and get these questions. I'm also a member of a few Facebook groups. The main one that I spend time in is, it's people who are also on warfarin, a blood thinner, who have had their valve one of their valves replaced. So that describes me. We're all in there commiserating together, but people ask questions. Right? And it's clear in the in the guidelines for joining this group. This is not medical advice. Don't treat it as such, but we're talking about our experiences. Hey. Has anyone ever experienced this? Tell me more about what you went through. And I have learned just as much from that group, and I also contribute to the group. It's not just about taking, give and take. And I've learned so much more at least as much from that group and other people who have had my experiences as I have from physicians and nurses, and there's something wrong with that. But there's, you know, is there a Facebook group? Is there a Reddit thread that you can follow? There's probably something for whatever it is you were going through. I guarantee you there's some kind of social group out there, and it's free to join.
32
0,35:12,000 --> 0,37:16,000
I tell you what. I mean, I know individuals pay you to do this. I I mean, you you're, you're and and, you know, for sure, I I've gotten to know you a little bit, obviously, than just this podcast, so this would people who are listening, keep that in mind. But the but your sense of purpose, just in general ingrained in you to to drive this, you were, like, the perfect candidate to be like that non for profit that is collects money with the intent of just helping people. Right? Like, it's a you'd like, it it's it's something I don't know if you've looked at or whatever else, but just I could I I think I think it's that's like you churches should be working directly with you and providing you, like, funds so they don't have to go do it for their members, but they know that they can trust you because you're like, hey. This guy has a team, organization, resources, and it's free. And then that way, you know, your your life's taken care of money wise, but also the the you know, because people money drives you have to have money. You have to a a nonprofit has to make money enough to give the things they need to go do. So, like, don't be under illusion of that. But I think this is like this is like, I think your bigger purpose personally is is is to build something like that, like a huge organization that like transitions. I think and I don't think that's something that has to be, like, slow going. I think you just declare it, get focused, and just freaking go after it and hit every kind of church out there and be like, we wanna work with your church, plea but we do need donations from your church to be able to kinda help support it. Like, you know, it's like a and they can do that. They can go nonprofit to nonprofit. Like, anyway so the point is this is this is a big this is I didn't realize how, like, you know, I'm I'm getting myself in the future of this. Like, this is gonna be something that's gonna hit all of us. I mean, death and transitions of life. And and you don't this guy I originally met on this, TV series I was on called The Blocks. Right? And he he does in home care services. He's like, you've never heard of it until you need it. Yep. And it's so true. It's like, you're right. I I have never even considered that search. He's like, but as soon as you get a sick parent or you get sick, you're it's you're gonna that's that's all you're gonna be searching for. I'm like, oh. Yep. Yep.
33
0,37:16,000 --> 0,37:57,000
I'm gonna enjoy that. That's the idea. I mean, I I'm glad to hear you say that, that that should be the route that I should go because that's the route where I wanna end up. And I I've struggled through being a first time business owner just a few years ago of knowing exactly what the next steps are. And right now, the main thing that I'm doing is speaking and building my reputation. I'm on podcast like this. I'm I'm I I have 4 podcasts just this week alone that I'm being a guest on. And, you know, I'm trying to just build my my, reputation and thought leadership. But what you just said is what I wanna do. I wanna contract with these organizations, whether it's churches or someone else and say, hey. Listen. You're not equipped to provide this yourself, and it'd be a lot less expensive
34
0,37:57,000 --> 0,42:02,000
if I contract you and then you provide it to your members rather than me working with your member 1 on 1. So it's very affirmational to hear you say that. No. I will. I mean, listen. I mean, and and like I said, the reason I preface that you know I've met before, and I've I've seen some of your journey a little bit on this. This is what you should be doing, in my opinion. Like, it it's not your end game because I think you'll do more than even this. But you start with your own community. Ask them how to organize. Have your actual local organizations, SBA, whatever else. You just say, hey. I wanna do not for profit. Here's my mission. Here's and people you'll just learn. Like, you'll just learn. You're not you'll read and you'll learn and you'll pay an attorney to set up correctly, and it's not as much as you think it needs to be and all the other things. And and the church and the organizations around you are already a part of will put you in touch with the right people to do it at the right price. And so you can do these things and then you're down then your then your role changes to a content creator and and a donation finder. But but that's the thing that, like, you know, especially with your story, it it people will do the GoFundMe. People will help you get it off the ground. Like, peep and then, like, it's just it's just hard work. Right? It's it's probably as hard work as trying to find a client. And and but the thing is this will have bigger purpose because once you get one, especially if you get a church network or 2, you're gonna you'll get many, many more. And, you know, this is the rule of small checks. How many $5,000 checks do you need to really make it work? Probably not that many. 10? 20? How many churches are there in Alabama alone? God, in Georgia, that's like one street. So anyway and it doesn't have to just be Christian, but I would probably say you'd favor one half of the aisle, so to speak, of the thing and just go with it. But, anyway, that being said, I I think that's your bigger purpose. Obviously, from a business model, I think it works better because I think running down individuals already facing a bunch of money from a health care broken system to help them, and you're like, hey. I need a few 1,000 more from me to help you now. I'm gonna pull back on that one. Is it but you said the nonprofit route would be better? I think so. Because peep the nonprofits can actually give you money to help them serve their community. They could be like, hey. You know, I I'm looking to do this and and see if you can I'm asking I should have a nonprofit or I should Yeah. I mean, which for you, it's no different because, like, you'd have a board and you'd pay yourself a salary from a business standpoint. The the truth is, though, I think you could do more impact if you're working alongside church organizations as the guy that helps them through life transition of, hey. We work with, fill in the blank, name of your, you know, your your organization. Right? And they they're like, hey. They're we're a we're a partner. You guys are you know, like, you're you're doing all the things legally and document wise for them to be able to do that, but that gives each community work with a deeper set of resources to work with you. Maybe here's a bunch of free resources and, counselors that you'll meet along the way. They can also learn your brand. And so it's just you know, we'll take it offline. But that's that's where I think if you're trying to get as many as big impact as I know you're trying to get, that's probably the route. Because then you get one to many. Yeah. And and you're and then and then many and from a brand standpoint, then now you're speaking more because you can go speak at a church. You can go, you know, you can go in front of a Wednesday night at, you know, your local Methodist church and be like, hey. Life transitions are hard, anybody. You know, they can invite it comes a value add for that church itself. If you have a book, they can buy them. That kind of stuff. That makes sense. Yep. I think this I think this gets money aside, this gets you more impact, which is I know what you're chasing. I mean, money's gotta be there too. Don't do me wrong, but, like, it's That that that's great insight. Yeah. I mean, we're having a second child in December, so money is definitely a thing. But I firmly believe that both of those things can come together if you do it the right way and have the right thing to offer. So you you offer excellent insights here. Thanks. Well, I'm here for you, Jacob. I mean, it is Tuesday. I'm not gonna say the date because I'm not sure when this will air because but goddamn, it takes them how long? See, I cussed. Do you see that? Do you see I did not? I dropped the Lord's name in vain right there. Alright. Jacob, this is the part of the show where you get to brag about yourself directly and tell people who should get a hold of you and where. It's shameless plug time.
35
0,42:02,000 --> 0,43:43,000
Alright. Well, then I guess I'll be shameless. Yeah. So my you can see the the website there, jacobevanskindl.com. I'm also on LinkedIn. You can reach me there. It's it's Jacob Evans Kendall. It's my LinkedIn handle. And let's connect in one of those places. On my website, I talk about my talking topics. I list some of the podcasts that I've been on, and there's some testimonials there. I I do lately, I've been speaking more at churches than I have at other kinds of organizations. I think the fact that I'm in a theology program makes that connection a little bit easier. Plus, like you said, here in Alabama, there's a church on every street corner. So there's there's a lot there. Coming from academia, I also do I am involved in university communities. That's also a natural fit. I can say, hey. I've been a professor. I've been a student for many years. I get it. These things my first, heart surgery was in the middle of a PhD program, and then the second one was, like I said earlier, while while I was a faculty. And so I I understand those things. And, you know, basically, if you have a need where your employees or your church members are dealing with health crises, their own chronic disease issues, especially heart disease, or and or they're caring for someone who does, let's talk. And I would encourage any kind of organization to if they if they think that this is not an issue with their organization or if they're not sure, explore that because as I mentioned earlier, a lot of employees don't a lot of people don't share about this oftentimes out of embarrassment. And so it's much it's a much bigger problem than many folks realize. Yeah.
36
0,43:43,000 --> 0,44:50,000
Yeah. On the other way, I like I said, as a nonprofit, if you did this with the corporations, hey. Listen. You know, for a nominal donation fee, we provide all these free SOAR resources, you know, articles, things like that, you know, some some time counseling, whatever else with your employees. And and, you know, that that initially is all on you, then you can scale from there. But I I think that allows organizations also to, it becomes it becomes less commercial and more wellness and driven. So I think, you know, there's something we can talk about later. But I think I think if you take that, you'll have higher impact because I think the brand of it will help people, you know, or even, you know, for purpose. Schedule b or whatever it's called for a c corp. Jacob, thank you, by the way, for jumping on today with me. I mean, you're you're if you I tell you what, anybody who's listening out here just wants to have a really good, deep conversation on any given topic, specifically around this one, specifically. Jacob is a good guy, but don't waste his time. But if you really wanna talk about your transition, please try to limit it to 15 minutes so he can in the 30 minutes, he'll meet with you. We you can talk about next steps because you could go on for hours, not you. The anyway, my friend. Thank you, Jacob, for jumping in today.
37
0,44:50,000 --> 0,44:56,000
Thanks, Thomas. I enjoyed the chat. You asked, you asked great questions. Always always keeps my gears turning.
38
0,44:56,000 --> 0,45:07,000
I I I well, I appreciate that. I appreciate you taking the time on here. I'm gonna put you in the it's like blue today. Usually, it comes out periwinkle, but the blue room, I'll be I'll be right back with you. There's no there's no snacks because it's digital.
39
0,45:07,000 --> 0,45:08,000
See you in a minute.
40
0,45:08,000 --> 0,45:52,000
Thank you for everyone who made it to your, today and listened, and got, to this point in the show. Thank you. You know, Never Been Promoted is here to help entrepreneurs get better at entrepreneurship. Jacob's sorting through it himself. He's trying to add value to the world. He's trying to make a business and and and help people the same time in a in a much deeper way than, you know, let's say, like, a marketer would or somebody else. He's really trying to help people through life things and and and he has a he's somebody who's personally feels connected to it. So that's that's a that's a nice person to get to work with if you're facing facing a life transition. You just don't know what to do. I'd give him a call. Thank you, by the way. And once again, everyone, until we meet again, get out there, you know, go cut a tie to something that's hold you back, and go unleash your entrepreneur. Thanks for listening.
41
0,45:52,000 --> 0:45:54,000
Thank you for listening to the Never Been Promoted podcast. If you liked today's show, subscribe at youtube.comforward/at never been promoted. Until next time. Get out there and go unleash your inner entrepreneur.