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Welcome to the Never Been Promoted YouTube channel, and podcast for those listening. Hi. I'm Thomas Helfrich, your host. We're on a mission here at Never Been Promoted to help you get better at entrepreneurship. Now we're doing that through the stories of other entrepreneurs, through some good videos, good content. You know, we want you to unleash your entrepreneurs. Yeah. I believe the world needs more entrepreneurs. In particular, I'll be selfish to my own country. I think the US does in particular. It's an advantage for any country. So I live in the US. Why? Why not? Not that I have anything against other countries, but why not? Go USA. Right? Part of that journey is this idea that you get kinda held back on things as you make this transition to become an entrepreneur. You get held back, And we want you to cut the tide of those things. So that metaphor of the tie being cut is truly it is, you know and ironically, it is harder to cut a tie, than it looks. But in real life, it is too. You know, you have all these excuses, these fears, these senses of entitlement, or maybe these people in your life that kinda hold you back. You gotta you gotta be able to cut the stuff so you can get on to the next thing. Now we're with Mel Reyes today. Mel is a man, you know, a fantastic coach, super energy, and we're gonna talk about living the best life, the mindset of how to do that. And he's got, you know, some great advice and some, you know, you will get into the weeds with that a bit. Hey. And by the way, this is your first time here, please, you know, stick around, check it out. There's a few things I always ask people to do is, you know, know, subscribe to the YouTube channel at never been promoted.com. And if you if you're listening to this, you know, a solid review on the podcast really helps the community in what we're trying to do. So if you can, just take a moment and, you know, give us a 5 star review. It'd be really helpful. I appreciate it. If you'd like to come on the show, you gotta come gotta visit me on at linkedin.com. So linkedin.com/n/thomashelphric. You can come on, on on that and DM me. I will actually reply and see if, you know, if you'd be a good guest. And if you don't like the show or, like, you know, give some feedback, I'll take that mail as well. I'm open I'm open to criticism. Enough shameless plugs. Let's bring in Mel, here to the to the studio. Mister Melrose, how are you?
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I am fantastic. I'm still laughing at your intro and and and your little and your little animations, your little animated self, sir.
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You know what? It I just filmed those, like, literally yesterday, and so they had sent me the updated intro. And and the team does some for for instance, they roll my my company. See that shameless plug? They do some really cool stuff, and then our video editor, or production lead, I should say, she's beyond an editor, She came up with, like, 30 of those, and I'm like, she inserted them. I hadn't even seen the end of it because, like, I could not find this uploaded it, and I didn't realize how good it was. So thank you. Appreciate it. Great intro. Mel, let's let's start with before we get into your your world here a little bit, Let's start with, an icebreaker. And I asked this question a lot, but I think it's to be a good one for you. If you were to be arrested and only thing your friends and family heard was that you're arrested, what would they assume you did?
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Wow. Did not expect this. There's there's a shit. You're killing me, Smalls. What I could publicly say is, it would probably be for streaking. What what I would privately say would be something much more nefarious and and and devastating, but, which has nothing to do with clothes. But, yes. It it would probably be for outrageous, public, yes, nuisance type of, pieces. Nothing to end you with, like, a registered offender list. But just No. No. No. I mean Actually, I know what the street probably at night. It won't be near schools. Right? I'll be mindful of of things like that. Yes.
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I I wonder. I I'm not that you know, but I've heard these horror stories of people like doing, like, whatever skinny dipping or and they get with us they get registered as an offender. And I'm like, that's dumb. Can we, like, can we, like or peeing in the woods and you're, like, a 190 feet from a school and you're like, well, if you hadn't walked up here and asked me what I was doing, you would never know I was peeing in the woods. That's just dumb. You know what I mean? So Yeah. It's it's a bit rough. I mean That seems like a California thing, to be honest with you. It it
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is what it is, but I I have to say, some folks have ulterior motives and try to play it off like it wasn't. And that to me, no. Squash them, lock them up. I don't have time for that bullshit. Some folks, you just caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. Right. But but I I agree. Yeah.
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Well, hey. Well, so today, we're gonna dive into this. You know, I I, I want you to talk about your company, and what you're doing. Like so give me, like, the 62nd pitch on that and back in a bit to kinda how you got to launch it. I think I wanna hear that kinda the back story because I think understanding what you're doing for the world today and understand how you got there was, like, the first step to kind of having the conversation of mindset and living your best life.
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Right. Well, first of all, I'll start off by I don't typically do a lot of these, but when you reach out and I saw what you did, I saw the name, I saw the cut, the tie, I saw the mindset piece, all I'm like, oh, hell. Yes. I'm like, first of all, yes. Yeah. Right? And then we got on a call, and it was like, oh, hell. Yes.
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It was fun. I mean, we had a phone call.
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So, I'll I'll try not to give this the standard bullshit pitch that I normally do. But here's the thing. I spent the last over 30 years in IT and cybersecurity. I've been through, and I tell everybody else through the dramas and traumas of managing teams, global, local, etcetera. And in the last, decade, I've been doing a lot of more introspective work, growth, and everything else, all the wonderful buzzwords you hear. In the last 5 years, I decided to take that and put it into action. So going from corporate world, start up world, and everything else and saying, where do I wanna be physically? Where do I wanna be career wise? What does the rest of my future look like? And then I just started to take massive action. And the planning, all of the other pieces, we get into the details. At the end of last year, I decided to finally execute on the last of the this this next step in my in my journey. I called it quests. We could talk about that. And I said, let me just take the last 30 years of my experience, what I've gone through, what I could have used help on, and flip the script on whether it's IT, cybersecurity, companies, CFOs, or and try to help them to see the things that I've been able to do by making sure you're focused, you've got the right mindset, you can build out your teams, you've got a cultural, component, psychological safety, motivational drive, all of these other pieces that are are ignored by leaders who don't know that they're they're they're impacting or being impacted by their environment. So individuals, companies, etcetera. I am literally living my best life right now because I am I'm seeing so many wonderful things happening with the folks that I'm working with, and I'm I'm full I'm sending out an energy, and I'm receiving an energy. We can talk about all those kind of things. All day long, I'm having fun.
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It's funny when you get to, you know, the spot in entrepreneurship where, you know, I enjoy doing what I do all day. And and and I think I've labeled it as work, but I stopped labeling it as work because I'm I'm doing something, but it's something I love to do. And it's some days are like it's like anything else. Like, you know, I love to go golfing or fishing, but some days I just don't feel like doing it. That's kinda like sometimes you get that with funky. I mean, like, you know, I'll look, I'll see you. I have 5 podcasts, and I'm like, oh, today's gonna be exhausting. And it's not that you don't wanna do it, but you kinda have to, like then you get into it and you're like, you love it. Right? And it's and and so that doesn't mean it's not work, but it's not in the sense of I'm here because I'm being told I have to be here. Right. And probably the last piece is when you can finally replace what you used to make as a w two income. That's like the last part. I haven't gotten to that, but, you know, but I also had a good career, though I've never been promoted. You work towards that and you start seeing you start chipping away at, okay, that's good. We're adding a little bit more. Okay. We've covered a mortgage. We've got a little extra to go do this. And if you take those kind of journey steps, but not expecting everything at once, which is that sense of entitlement, your mindset completely changes like I'm doing it. I'm moving forward. And not it's not the hard days or good days. But in in your own journey, right, to get to there, I think what you're just you know, I I I appreciate your mindset that I love what I'm doing and because I'm I'm right in the middle of that too in, is what was though your not the calling so much is the trigger. What sets you on the path? What was the, like, not not doing that shit again to get you going on your own?
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So, I I'm gonna I'm gonna backtrack into this. Born in Puerto Rico, raised in New York, Brooklyn, Bronx, Rockland County, Westchester County. It was ingrained in me. It was exposed to me. Everything that I wanted didn't exist. It was what I needed. I needed to pay rent. I needed to go to school. I needed to get a degree. I needed this. I needed needed needed needed needed. It was ingrained in cultural and in every aspect of of of everything. So what became important was when I was doing introspective, I was like, what I really want? What do I base my values on? What do I base everything else on? So I started to do that work, and I was like, oh, I see what I'm missing now. The want. What do I want? Where do I wanna be? What do I want in in in experience or the day to day? And I started as soon as I started to realize, I was like, oh, I'm not getting what I want. I'm giving and giving and giving and giving and giving, but I'm not getting what I want. So first mindset piece that I started to get through was the self care and what I call going from selfless to selfish. Right? So that I can start taking care of myself. Once I started to realize that that once I start to take care of myself, it actually helped me take care of everybody else. I said, what are my core values? My core values are the things that were most impactful for me as I was growing up to even now, and I drilled it down to 2 words, educate and elevate. So that's why I love this podcast. Never been promoted. Yep. Never been promoted. Right? I have You gotta join the club. You don't have to fog up the windows in the outside. You could literally you'd be I mean The universe connected us for a reason. Right? I've never been promoted. I cut the tie. I and I'm like, yeah. That's exactly the mindset that everybody should be in, but it's not easy to get there. So when I say I drill it down to 2 words, it took me years to drill it down to 2 words. Right? So educate. I never had training paid by any company that I've ever worked for, whether it was full time or contractor. I've never been promoted. I've right? And even with with the little nudges that I was able to get or the guidance, it still was not a clear path. Never had an ally, an advocate, anyone, you know, an adviser, and a mentor. Even though I've asked a few people, right, to see if they would help, they would help and then go off into the sunset. So I said, well, that's kinda shitty. Right? Because and I posted this before. I'm a I'm a little Puerto Rican curly haired kid wearing a mustard yellow, yellow turtleneck sweater who's clueless to the world. No exposure. And that kid manifested through as an adult. Right? I'm clueless. I'm this. I'm that. And and so all this introspective work has said, well, let me how do I fix that? I take care of myself. I need to learn. I need to invest time in reading. And the elevate, educate and elevate is I needed to elevate myself to a point where I recognize my skills, unshackled myself from the beliefs and from the I can't do and I'm not good enough and how the hell am I gonna do that? So I use really powerful words like yet. I don't know how to do that yet. I can't afford that yet. Right? And yet is a big word I use in presentations, and I I I if most people are like, yeah. You know what? You're right. Well, guess what? All of this is now what I'm on a mission for. So I've got my fellowship at Digital Guardians nonprofit. I've got my ETC, Elite Technical Concierge. All these pieces and everything I do from coaching to training is how do I help educate and elevate? Yep. That's it. Right? So but it took it's a journey, and I had a question between and and everything else to get to this. Still not there. So I still I I think I figured out what I wanna do when I grow up. But I'm just I'm I'm receiving everything every day, and it is what it is. I've got a I've got a North Star. I've got a big, big, big, audacious goal, and we'll figure out if I get there this year, next year. I will just enjoy the way, the the the the trip along the way.
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You know, it's it's you said a good good point there of, you don't know if you're gonna get there and you never do because anything can happen. You know? You have all the dreams, probably means you have your health. If you don't have your health, you got but what dream? Right? So, you know, the I'm not sure who said that. I put it in my book. It's a the man with his health has a 1,000 dreams. Man without has only yet only but one. And and and and I and, you know, it's one of the reasons I no longer drink anymore. I I just like you know, I start working out is because, yeah, that stuff's fun, but in last 10 years of life, I'm not gonna have a whole lot going on. And and what I've seen in, even my own parents and things like that, like, is is they've lost things to do. Like, my dad just worked, and then he couldn't work. And and just the not cognitive decline, but the motivation to be just and you see this. So it's like, if you don't have health and you're just you're in pain or where not anyways, my point is take care of yourself now with the idea that, hey. You know, you know, you you gotta have your best life. Here's a perspective, from a mindset. And I'll I I this is something that just came up this weekend. I just went to a 30 year high school reunion. So I'm 48, and you show up there. And and one thing's for sure, I I look better than a lot of my co like, I look less aged, and I don't dye my hair even. So I got lucky. I kept hair. You know what I'm talking about on your face. And the but I okay. So here's what I here was the perspective. 30 30 years ago come back and it's good that's gonna come back to bite you. You're gonna show I'll be bald. Don't worry. I'm not worried, but I know I'm going to be. But but for today, I'm I'm so 30 years ago, we were I was 18. Graduating high school, the whole world's ahead of you. And it occurred to me that I probably most I think I got at least 30 good years left to 78. I'm in high school again. I'm in time 0. So so if I was 18 again, what would I do? Well, I let me just treat it like that. Let me have the mindset that I have 30 years now experience, and I'm a new 18. And I don't know exactly what that means only to say that let me look back to the stuff I didn't do well and the stuff that I enjoyed to do and did do well, and how am I gonna do the last 30? And, and I think a lot of people lose that perspective. At any given time, you have so much experience to do things differently. You just gotta go do things differently if you expect change. If you don't and you complain and it's this and I can't, he won't let me, she doesn't let me, I can't because of this, Okay. Don't expect anything different though. And I and I and I and I I've been criticized for saying this before, but you you know and because every circumstances are different, but your success or failure in a for us, first of all, how you define it. And second, if it's gonna happen is 100% up to you. And if you don't think that way, you cannot expect to to match the definition of success or failure.
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Amen. A, and I'm just gonna curse, but I'm gonna try to keep it clean. A like m. A to the m. Right?
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Are you trying to say the f word? Maybe. Maybe. We can't. I you know, we shouldn't. We could because I definitely say it freely all the time. But we'll keep it. I don't want YouTube flagging me. You know, as you were talking about your high school reunion, I didn't go to mine. Oh, it's okay.
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I I got over it. Right? As you're talking about high school reunion and then, you know, the the now showing up to be the 18 year old, one piece kept coming up in my head. Like, I wanna do what I didn't do. Right? What I was too shy to do. What I right? Like, at that reunion, I if I would've gone to my reunion, that that would've been on fire. Like, it would've been on fire. I would've been I would've I would've I would've been draping across, you know, the the whole the whole gymnasium, you know, off a rope. I would've just I would've gone wild because I didn't do that in high school. Right? I was not kind of a little edgy, little bit, small that. But on top of that, you know what else I would do? I would live with no no regrets. No regrets. I I would go back to that high school, you know, a sweetheart that I that I never really, you know, told her I liked her. I would go back to somebody I I would do all of the things that I didn't do because, she probably doesn't like me. They probably don't do this. How could they we're not gonna hang out. And you'd like you just said, the woulda, shoulda, coulda's, the negative pieces. I'm like, oh, no. F you. No. It's on. And that and that's why, like, you take that to that 18 year old, now you bring it to now. That's where I live about. No regrets. No regrets. If some if I'm at a cliff and I'm and it's in the water and everybody else is like, you should do it. I'm like, you know what? You're right. Pluck it. I'm gonna jump. I'm Or differently if you were like, I jumped off because everyone's like, said you should do it. You're like, I don't wanna do it. Like, for example, I probably would have been the person to do it. Then now I'm like, I have no interest of going on that roller coaster.
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And, like, literally, like a roller coaster or jumping off of something or being on a motorcycle. I I have I'm like, I don't I don't care. I played racquetball, like, really well in high school. Right. You cannot make fun of me at all, and it affect me. I played racquetball. Yeah. It's like, you can make fun of me. I played racquetball. Like like and I own that, and I did really well with that. I'm like, but you cannot make fun of a human who accepts that they're, like, a nationally ranked racquetball player. It's un you can't make fun of that person. They're like, they they are they are they are that Let's be real. They're that person, though, by the way, that says it is what it is, and you're like, I can't even mess with that. Like, it is what it is. Oh god. That person's No. I love that. I love that. And and That's like honey badger dangerous right there. If I had a do over on 18,
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with what I know now, oh, unstoppable. Unstoppable. I would and I was I was I was an athlete. I was I was in track. I was in wrestling, then ended up having to flip over to do to work so that I can buy things. We can talk about the all those things later. But, I would be, it it would it would be incredible if I knew what I needed now. But I did make that switch when I when I when I got into college. Once I realized that there was a completely different world that I'd never been exposed to, never been exposed to. I've never I didn't know anyone who went to college. I didn't know what real what college you even really meant. And once I got there, oh, hell. Mel came to the table, and I met some incredibly beautiful people. You know, and we Trish and a bunch of other great, great friends, like, almost day 1, And I'm still friends with them because we talk about, like, gangbusters, no regrets. That was my I was the blue tarski of my generation. Like, I showed the hell up in college. And that's how I've tried to live my life since. Right? Being a little safe not to try to kill myself and, you know, break guitars and do all other kind of stuff. Only if it makes sense. Only if it adds value to the night. Even then, now I'm at, like, a next level, and and, you know, it is what I call my my theme from last year of planning this is next level shit. Like, oh, I'm I'm able to do this, and now I have the mindset that that's mostly clear to me. I'm like, oh, yeah. No. It's on. Intergalactic world domination.
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So okay. So take me through it. So let's let's say I'm an entrepreneur and I'm listening to this. It's any point, like, you know, timeless kind of, advice. Take me through where they are, where many people are. Because those who people who are achieving, let's leave them kinda I I'm gonna leave you behind or leave you ahead and let us catch up. So there's a bunch of us out there that are in some version or another wanting in a wanting mode, in a in a imposter mode, in some type of not advancing mode.
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Right. Help take me through that. Wherever it is, take take me through your kind of techniques to move through that. I love this. So I everyone is is very different. I get where everybody is in life, where they are financially, where they are. But so I I I broke it down after having, probably, like, thousands of calls with with, with coaching, which I consider coaching paid, mentoring not paid. Coaching and mentoring size, I must have 1,000 in the last 5 to 10 years, my teams and everything else. And I was like, what do I what do I keep repeating? So I broke it down in a few weeks ago. I actually, pushed it out there for free on my site, a t c dot limited. It's the it's coach coach Mel's 5 v's. First one is views, then you got values, vulnerability, voice, and vision. And each one of those has subcategories and little questions that you can ask yourself. This could be a self assessment that you can do, you can take yourself. I'm gonna I'm gonna do a little little, a a quick piece here for you. Views, perception versus reality. Right? Focus on what you think about yourself, but then figure out from your colleagues, from experts, and everybody else. Did my video go go crazy?
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It it's it's paused, but we can hear you. So we're gonna we're gonna go with that lovely image of you kinda look alike. Yep. There we go. We're back. You just saw you're back? Alright. Hold on. No. Let me stop. For those listening over, buddy. Yeah. So so here's here's so perception versus reality.
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Right? So first thing is focus on what you think about yourself and they get feedback from your colleagues and everybody else on what the reality check is. Limiting beliefs. Right? Unshackle yourself from the woulda, shoulda, coulda, can't, don't, blah blah blah. You know, literally try to find the triggers when you find yourself saying this kind of shit. Measure. Right? Stop measuring yourself against other people because of their success or anything else. Measure against what where you were to where you are, the gap and the gain, and I'll talk about that again. I definitely come back to that that topic. Right. But That's Please keep going except the value. Right? Values. Right? Beliefs. What's important to you? What are the aspects? Know your worth. What's the experience that you've had that you can bring to the table? Again, where you went where you were to where you are now. Not, I'm not as good as Thomas, and he's got a podcast, and he's got this. No. It's where you were to where you are, and then where do you wanna be. Identify and then and the the most things that that people can't identify is what they want. Right? So how do you do that? Identify what you don't want. 1st, everybody can go into a negative headspace very quickly. So identify what you don't want, what you don't wanna do, what you don't want, where do you don't wanna live, and then flip it into, now I know what I don't want. Now I could just say what I do want. That's really important on the values. Why do you need to to to change your view? Because you that's the first foundational piece. Why do you need to know your values? Because that's the next level. Then I talk about vulnerability. Right? 1, who with whomever you are, you need to build trust. You need to be genuine. You need to be authentic. And the last piece of this is you need to be able to ask for help. Right? So that means the machismo, the egos, the alpha male, all these other pieces, like, I can do it on my own, this and that that needs to be melted away or chipped away. That's that's the vulnerability piece. So your teams, your company, your family, everything else, you have to shout through the rafters. I need help with this. I need to do this. Voice, who are you? Stop living somebody else's bleached executive presence, life, or anything else. Like, show up the way you want to. That's why when we got on a call, I was like, you were you were on fire. I'm like, the you know, between your tie, between everything else, I'm like, yes. I need to be on I often think we should record the off air stuff. It'd be more entertaining. Yeah. No. I can't. The good thing is a lot of edits. A lot of edits. I don't know if you should be. Like, those are actually the real compliment. And that's the thing. Share your thoughts. Right? When you're authentic and you know your values and you know your this baseline piece, guess what? You get to develop your vision. That's the last one. What's your north star? Find your tribe. Share your vision. If they don't agree with it, walk away, find somebody else. That that tribe, then the last piece of it, set the dates and just take massive action to whatever the hell all of this is is guiding to. That's what I work with people. And some people are in in, you know, really good 3rd layer, 4th layer of the v, whatever it is, and they're working on the rest. I help people get out of their head space. I I help people see I I see people for what they don't see themselves, and then I show them the mirror that I see. Right? Because they look in the mirror and they're like, well, I do that. I'm like, well, the mirror I'm looking at is different. This is what I see, and this is where I see you because what you just said and I help them reframe, which is gonna be, the the topic of of, a 3 book series that's coming out as well as, of my book that I'm writing on reframing, finding the triggers, and being able to say, oh, shit. Stop comparing myself because guess what happens? All of a sudden, when you start to realize what you've done to where you wanna be, like, oh, it's not that far away. I just need to make a few you know, some sometimes that you have to move to a whole new coast, a whole new country, or
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leave scenarios that are not benefiting you. Right? I mean, we we should dive we'll dive into that here in a second for sure. Right. So yeah. There's a bigger problem that you're solving there too. So so I wanna come back to something something first, definition of success. And I've said this so many times on shows, but I'm I I I'm gonna repeat it as often as possible. Your definition of success should not be, in my opinion, the Alex Hormozes, Gary Vees, these people who've exited for tens and 100 of $1,000,000. That is a unicorn thing that happens. And if those people have done it because, truthfully, they have a gift, they had some timing, and and and not everyone's gonna be able to do that because because that's not how the world works. Not even close. But if you can replace what you could have made working for somebody else from a financial metric only, you are killing it. Yeah. Just know that. If you can make your own income source that is is it's gonna be more reliable because no one can fire you, just yourself, You're killing it. So just so when you start comparing to others, compare to where you were or where you could have been, but also then remove if that's the only metric that matters to you. But then if you're like, well, I don't feel like I work all day, but I make 20, 30% what I made. But guess what? That's a win. You're also killing it because now you have headspace to be happy 24 hours a day, assuming your dreams are okay. Anyway Right. So that's that's a fantastic thing there. So the last piece you talked about there are those the the the five e's, I think it was. So total, like, I saw I lost it on after 3. That's what that's what you help solve, by the way, is my next thing is the entrepreneurial ADD. I don't think people realize what you just described solves the entrepreneurial ADD. Because when I don't know how to be vulnerable because I'm I got him I I don't I feel threatened and I just so I put up this wall and I actually don't know what the hell I'm doing and posture syndrome. And you you become vulnerable and you find your own voice and you find your own vision. You then don't have to focus on 700,000 things that seem interesting because this thing actually is going to accomplish the the v's you just got described, and you'll be comfortable within your own skin for success and for where you're going and not caring if people are judging or not because you're just judging yourself based on a realistic set of things that make yourself happier. So you actually are solving for entrepreneurial ADD, and people like, how do you get rid of that? It's because of some of the things you just described are just not boxed or they're not written down.
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Right. Right. Nothing nothing is going to change unless you're purposeful about putting times towards what you want to change. Nothing. You know? And I I I actually had this somebody somebody wrote it down or I wrote it down because they said it earlier. He was like, but but I go into the mindset for myself. No one's gonna effing save you, get off your ass, and get something done towards your north star. Right? What's that north star? I wanna be doing this, doing this, being able to go to Greece, being able to do this. That's your north star. Perfect. What did you do today and every day towards that north star? If you haven't, don't talk to me. If you're ready, talk to me. Right? Because as an entrepreneur, you've got a vision, you've got a passion, and you're like, you know, what should I do? How should I do this? Guess what? First thing you need to do is make sure you've calibrated it on. Is this the most genuine piece of where I wanna put my time, my efforts, my life, and everything else? Do I wanna leave the tie behind? Right? Am I ready for this? Right? Pull the tribe in. Get tell people you wanna do this. Hold yourself accountable by telling people you wanna do this, and they'll make the connections. Put it out to the universe, who you are, what you wanna do. And if it comes back, it comes back. If you start to get alignment with the right groups, the right people, then you know, and you can start validating and adjusting, and then you create that one north star. Thomas. When you start getting validation that that's a great idea or, you know, you're do you you would be great at that, then you start to refine it. Hell, yes. Show up and then put your energy towards it. Put a plan, start getting funding, start partnering up, and start doing it. And you to me, I I cannot tell you how much fun I've been having over the last 5 years trying to build this out. And I think you're muted or I can't hear you.
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In my old days, you'd have to drink talking on mute. I I have to keep going off camera because, like a 5 year old, I poke myself in the eye at the beginning of this thing, and I'm trying to battle. Every time I put a new on solo, I'm crying in the background. What did I do? I know. I I I can bring out the emotions in people. It's okay. I mean, it's allergies, damn it. I said allergies. You. No. Or did I say I could hear something? Whatever it is. I'm not crying because because of the topic. Steven Sherr. I think I'm pronouncing that quick. Thanks for for saying this is great. I love it. If you have any questions for Mel or myself, please jump in, guys. Hiru Diribab Diribab, I I might if I did that bad, dude. I'm sorry. Just just correct me and yell at me later. But guys, thank you for for the participation there. You know, and if you have any questions, by all means, please That's my tribe right there. Steven's with tribe. That's he knows. Yeah. He's a cyber ex guy. I think cyber cyber dude. So but wait. So so okay. The last 5 years, right, have been awesome. But what I find sometimes when you find you're awesome in your life in my life, the people that knew you that you know, it comes back to sometimes this this statement that men get married expecting, their their their wives not to change and the wives expect to change their husbands. And sometimes the change you have is a freeing to something else and and not not in particular of your issue, but I see this in a lot of entrepreneurs where your vulnerability piece is key here in the communication with a spouse or a partner. And if you haven't communicated how you're feeling, where you need to go to be happy in your life, and the other person doesn't align to that, the relationships become one of the biggest ties that you either need to cut or or or mend. And and and you have to and and sometimes they don't line up. And and I don't I'm not trying to give you specifics for for anybody out there, but but I run into this with lots of entrepreneurs who are, man, my wife and I fought so much, but once we kind of worked it out, others like we had to end it. Another was, oh my god. I found my best partner in my life. I could never find love before till I found myself. Talk to me just generally, though, you know, about relationships because that's the one time. That's the one thing that's gonna absolutely ruin your life is by not managing the things that are closest to you.
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I love this. I love this very specifically because I've worked with so many people that don't consider this as being, why am I not successful at my job? Why can't I manage my teams? Why can't why am I not advancing? And they never consider most of what I do is professional. But guess what? I'd be an idiot to ignore the personal one the the the cultural pieces of how you're raised, but also the relationships you're in. So we get we start off our life with certain beliefs and values. Right? We don't call them that. We just know that. Right? We want family. We want this. We want this. We want this. And you end up finding someone that gives you that. Alright? Well, guess what? As you grow, as as you experience different pieces, as you're exposed to the world, those values start to pivot and change. Right? If you would've asked me 20 years ago, Mel, you're gonna be leading efforts to educate and elevate with a nonprofit and volunteering and go I would've been like, what the hell are you talking about that? That's nowhere near in scope in my head.
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I think as soon as you start realizing mortality, shit changes. Right. Right. What is the That is that is the biggest divider of That's it. Right there. I'm halfway through life. What have I done? Right. If you can't talk through that, if you everything falls apart, I don't mean to write you, but I think that's actually the key is the midlife thing that it hits is, like, I'm gonna die.
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It's when a friend dies, when friends get answered. It's it's a if I die when I die, how do I wanna be remembered? Have I done what I can for myself, for my family, and for what I wanna do? Again, going from selfless to selfish. Right? What is it I wanna do? Where are my values? Where am I at? It usually happens in a midlife. Right? Because that's when you've got enough experience and not enough exposure. You've been through the dramas and traumas. But what I what I what is really important is to remove yourself and go to a different plane where all of that noise isn't there and say, if I were to shoot for this north star, what do I need to pull in? Who do I need to include? Or is it actually anchoring me? Once you come to the real, real, real conclusion of I've tried and it doesn't work, you know, this this colleague, this company, this partner does not work, You have to accept the fact that if you really want change, it's gonna be painful. It could be costly. It it's not no one not everyone's gonna agree with it. Not everyone's gonna understand. And that's when I say you have to take massive action. You have to make some hard decisions. Right? Five and a half years ago or a little over 5 years ago, when I said, we need to move to California from New York, it was not an easy easy decision. It took me years of stress and pain and everything else to get to a conclusion to say, that's where I see in very clear view where my journey is taking me so that I can build a better life for my family. And guess what? Best decision I made so far. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow or next week or the week after. So to me, when you're and I mean, to and then, by the way, to execute it on July 2020 because I planned it in 2019. And when I talk about taking massive action, I take massive action. Right? July 2020, I wrote it down. I set the goals, how much I wanted to make, where I want it to be, the exact location, the exact date, everything else. I was ahead of schedule. Right? Right? Taking massive action. So when I when I I don't preach this shit. I live this shit. Yeah. No. You and and well, so hey.
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And I think we're, expanding on how that impacts relationship. That if you haven't communicated beyond, let's say, the selfish nature of why you want to do that, why you think it benefits everybody in getting their inputs, people may go along the ride that don't have your tenacity, your ability to do that. That's going to cost stress. The other piece is when you have relationships and you blame everyone else, that's an excuse. I've been through it with my wife, where I was becoming resentful at times and it was my own ability to do what she's asking, which was be vulnerable, be a present. And then and and then that you know, because I'm like, I got and but once you've cracked through, you realize, man, if if I if that had ended, really, I would still be in the exact same spot. I would and and so so just realize that I think that vulnerability piece of your v's is the hardest one. And I'll say at least for men, it is by far the realistically hardest one to to honestly now you'll the the little step you'll make in it will feel like the furthest, and you'll still know that you have canyons at the cross. And if you the more you can cross it, though, I think the value of what you can make from a vision standpoint, from a, you know, that actually becomes real. And your connections to others become realer. And it's I hate I I hate the vulnerability piece. I still hate it, but I know I have to do it. And I but it makes my podcast better because I will admit in the world where in high school, we're told to man up. We live in a world where it's like, you know, we're working on a told a man up there.
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Grind it to this whether you're a man or a woman. Right? Level up. You know, great grind. Like, shut up and do it. Right? That's kind of how I coach, but don't get me wrong. But I also do it from a point of I care. Right? And this is what drove me effing crazy during COVID. Right? Like, all these books on EQ started to come out. And I was like, wait. I have to buy a book to learn how to care for my teams and for my I'm like, EQ is great. And, yes, some people don't have it because they haven't been through the experience. They don't they don't have the vulnerability. They don't see other people for who they are. They see them for as a resource or as an asset, everything else, which is why you probably wanna cut the tie. Right? But to me, it's about caring. And if you care to change and you care about your family and you care about your health, guess what? You're gonna have to kind of, you know, let the shields down, right, and tell someone, hey, Thomas. I'm having a really shitty day. I've only had 2 cups of coffee, and by now, I'd have 4. So you're not getting the true full melt. Right? That's vulnerable. Right? I'm having a shitty day. Right? Because then we can get into a conversation. Walk me through that. Blah blah blah blah. Right? Vulnerable could be like, I can't make mortgage. How am I gonna do this? You can have to say that to someone. You have to you know? And and guess what? When you start to pull in the tribe that sees you, that helps you, that then get then then you start to say, you know what? I can be more vulnerable. I can tell people. Like I say on on when I go live streaming, this is why I have a box of freaking tissues next to me because I don't know what kind of story is gonna come out. I don't know if I'm gonna cry right now. Right? And and I know I'm making you cry. I know. I know. It's okay, Thomas.
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I keep going just in case I poke myself in the eye again. Right.
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But this is this is the thing. Right? Yes. We're men and we're women. We have pastors. We have this. We're like, at the end of the day, those 5 v's came through decades of experience for me. Right? You can't do anything unless you go through that step, and that's why vulnerability is right in the middle. Right? Once you know your views of yourself, once you understand your values, then you have to say, who do I share that with? How do I open up? Who do what what can I say to someone to say, I'm not in a happy place? This is what this is my vision of where I wanna be and my beliefs. How do I get there? Right? And then you create your own voice. Now, oh, now I'm vulnerable. I'm getting feedback. I've got really great people who could support me. How do I wanna come across? What's my voice? You know, what's my mission? Right? Whatever you wanna call it. What's my destiny? What's my quest? What's my journey? Whatever you wanna call it, then that's when you take it from voice to vision. Go for it. Just freaking go for it.
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You know, and and just just conscious of time here a little bit too. To how who and who and where are they in their life? And and or, you know, or is an organ maybe it's an organization. Because I get I mean, you come in an organization, you could help so much as well. So tell tell me kinda like the ideal customer that you want to contact you and where they are in their in their journey, and then and then then drop kind of how do you want them to get there.
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Yeah. So for me, it's really important. I'd love to to to boil the ocean and help everyone on the planet. Right? I can create a program, and I can do all these things. But what I found was in a lot of the organizations that I've seen, not necessarily been in, you know, no no I don't I don't wanna I don't wanna downplay or or or kill anybody else's, dreams. But a lot of organizations I've seen, especially in cybersecurity and high pressure jobs, 1st responder, incident response, military veterans, I can try to address everyone, but I'm like I tell you what. How about I address the leadership that may or may not be vis have the visibility into the impact that it's having on their teams? So to me, it is about, trying to target senior or mid level c, executives and managers of the companies that are experiencing, the the lack of psychological safety, a churn with with their employees, a lack of engagement, and then to try to help them identify from a leadership standpoint, from a team leveling up standpoint, and from the skills building standpoint for either technical. How do you do, data traceability pieces better? How do you get the tools in to help your teams so that they they don't have to focus on the day to day as much, but also how to level up the practitioners who became, leaders. Right? And may not know how to manage teams. Also, how to restructure your teams so that you could fill the the the the skills gaps so that you're not putting the taxing components on them. And to really kinda shatter the view of all of the different assessments that are out there. Right? One of the things that I did was, I I I, I launched the the a review of the Leadership Circle 360 assessment, right, of me and my leadership skills. Why? Because it's an industry standard, and I wanna I wanna align with it. But guess what? Every assessment you can take is phenomenal, gives you insights, but the only thing that's gonna help you is continued learning, adjusting, growth, and training after that. And if you don't have the right team that's really brass tacks and really looking at how do you actually make real world change, not, you know, the the the the high level these are the best things for an organization pieces, which I love and I appreciate a lot of major global organizations. We're real people. The pandemic has shown. We can work from anywhere. We can do anything. We've got real world problems. You need someone who's gonna come in and and gonna help you address those kind of pieces. So to me, I'm on ETC. The website is etc.com. I run the fellowship at Digital Guardians, which is fdg.institute, which is a nonprofit. You can find me on LinkedIn. I I live stream. I'm gonna be at Black Hat next week. I'm gonna be at Defcon next week and BSides next week, all tech and cybersecurity related pieces. We're gonna be doing live streaming. I'm I'm gonna hit the road for the rest of the year. I'm also, I'd like to take this opportunity to launch that I will be managing the cyber defense ecosystem, efforts on, for MSPs, MSSPs. I'm just rolling it out. I'm just Love it. This whole year. And and by the way, if you follow me, you can if you connect with me, you can unfollow me because your stream is gonna be filled with all kinds of things that I hope can help you.
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Awesome. Mel, thanks so much for coming on. I appreciate it. I'm gonna I'm gonna put you in the periwinkle room, which I think that's that color, but there's no snacks there because I ate them all. But thank you so much for coming on today.
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Alright. Thank you, Thomas. I will talk to you soon. Stay awesome and live your best life, brother. I love it. Thank you. I'll talk to you in a couple minutes here.
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Mel, thank you so much for coming on. Anybody who's made it at this point in the show, thank you for listening and watching. We have a very clear mission is to help entrepreneurs get better in entrepreneurship. I want more entrepreneurs in the world. I think I believe I believe it'll make you happier, and more fulfilled specifically if you have that bug. Now that doesn't mean if you work for somewhere, it's a bad thing. It just there's a lot of people who feel like they could do something more and be be something different. That's who I'm speaking to here. If this was your first time, guys, thank you. You know, check out youtube.com@neverbeenpromoted. If you're listening or you like podcasts, you know, they're on Apple, Spotify. And if you have a moment, you know, do a 5 star review would be very helpful. But until we meet again, you get out there and go unleash your entrepreneur. Thank you so much for listening and watching. Until next time. Talk to you soon.